I'm Sensitive / And I'd Like to Stay That Way

Wow. Forgot what it was like working and trying to raise two kids. Sheesh. Days thick with things/activity like pasta loaded with too much butter. Which is what I had for dinner. Goddamn venison pot roast seems to require approximately 9 hours more than I'd estimated. Still rubbery.

Rhone started first day of "homeschool" preschool @ neighbor's home today. Seemed to go well, Celina said he did great and was very attentive and responsive, but later today his attitude was shit. I seem to remember this from his other preschool. Worth it? Not sure yet.

Brian & Kian stopped by to play this afternoon. To the extent that one "stops in" when one's friend lives on an out-of-the-way island. I appreciate the effort. The boys don't play too well together, really, but it's important that they keep interacting, anyway. For both of them.

Worked more than I have since I retired today: at least 7 hours total. I used to think that sounded like a morning. Because it was. But that's just time I can legitimately charge to the business. Been up since 6:30, thinking about it constantly; where's the difference? Guess I'm used to being on salary. Think I need a higher hourly rate. Ha.

As you may have seen, took Noelani back to her dad's for the school year Sunday. Sucked. 'Nuff said.

BBQ at my brother's yesterday. Did I mention my little brother has bought a house? Ok, a condo. Do I own shit? Well, yes, lots of it! Do I own a house? No, never. Jealous? Of what--the "low-danger" lifestyle my brother himself says he leads, or the ownership, or the security, or the lack of kids, or the 48" computer monitor (his TV is bigger)? Um... not sure whether I care to and/or can answer that.

BBQ was great. Nice to see that my "little" brother's friends are aging just as I am. (Yes, I'm still feeling the sting of 37. I know I'll laugh at myself in just a few years, issue myself a "Fuck you" citation just as I did only a few days ago to my poor innocent childless friends, whatever. Still, it feels like another year of being neither Mary Shelley nor Melinda Gates.)

Also, very nice to see family at the BBQ. Haven't seen my dad in ages. Feel itch of guilt that he moved into a condo 8 blocks from my old place, then we lost that building in what now feels like a firestorm of assholes and assignations [my, that was poetic] and moved to a fucking island.

Also @ BBQ saw my aunt and her SO and my cousin, feels like the only place I ever see them is Costco. Well, because that's true. What's that say about me? [That's a Jewel song. My mind is clearly moving way faster than it should be.] Regardless, was nice to see them someplace with chairs.

Ok. Maxed out for words. Best news of day: As I type, fingertips of left hand sore from guitar strings. Backing up... got guitar for birthday. Ultra excited. Can finally [learn to] play Jewel songs around fire pit. And others. "And the leaves that are green / Turn to brown."